The best of me

"But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love her forever."

~ Robert Burns



Today and most days are a mess of catching up with life. But there is always a calm for me in my new routine. When things become too messy or things seem to fly by. I close my eyes for five minutes and I see you. For that few moments, that calm guides me on what to do.

You left back home for the week today and all a lamb can do is have these moments with you. And I see you here with me most of the time. Although the busyness of the day leaves me not much time to write to you. But when I do, I write not just to tell you that I love you but I write too to be at peace and know that love will always support me.

Today, driving by and listening to the radio, about the favourite past times of Malaysians, was also thinking about my favourite past time and that still is lazing around with you. I write today, to let you know that the best of me, is you. I wake up think about the day, the beginning, the middle and the end. I plan my steps and what I'm going to do flows right in. And something else also floats in at the same time, this part about you. I don't know or can plan you but something everyday about you makes me smile and you become the best part of me.

People often ask me. What's the best quality I can describe myself as. I haven't been asked that in a while. But if I'm ever asked that again, you can be sure that my answer will be you. It will always be you. Penning off this short note with a short story I once read.

There was a poet and he wrote about love. But he was not in love. His poems were a favourite with the ladies but everytime some one asked him what inspired him, or what drove him to write about such beautiful poetry, he would answer with this, "I am not in love because I simply have not found someone worth loving. Or my soul has not found it's worth". At this, most would simply shake their head and walk away non-chalant at his behaviour and his deemed superiority. One day, he told the same to an old soldier and the soldier replied, "Worth of love comes from worth of self. You haven't looked inside yourself and you will never see. Love does not appear, it finds you. God knows how many times you must not have looked when love came knocking".

Anyone can write about love. But only one who embraces it, will find peace. Even the most beautiful poetry about love will turn people away. The simplest of poetry about love in the eyes of a person in love is a treasure. Wonderful words can capture the imagination and ensnare the senses, but it can not set love free. People look for love in poems, movies, writings, novels, but all along love is all around. I too need search no more, I see my love that will last a lifetime in you. And I love you baby.

This is my poem to you today, you are and will always be the best of me and I hope the best of us. Today's beautiful and I only wish you were here with me in this moment. Seeing what I'm seeing always, you.

PS. Bie, today I saw a brownish fading black bird and it reminded me of your hair. I saw a tree waving, and I'm reminded by the way you move, as elegant as the breeze. And I saw a black spark, and I'm reminded of your eyes and the soul I see in them, perfect. I take a walk today and everyday, and I see you.

A reminder in the name of love

He was like an angel, you know? I never knew life could be like that. He was the one thing I followed through in my life, the one thing I didn't give up on. I was good at loving him.

~ The Untamed Heart



Today like every few weeks recently, Lion has taken to reminding me how much (or rather little) time I spend on her and it's depressing that way that she can't tell if it's because I'm lazy or simply because I don't have time for her being pre-occupied with my new job.

You told me again today to stop and take a look at our lives and notice the changes. I took a halt while driving this morning and I examined my life today. And what I never fail to notice is how much I love you baby.

Just want to put it down in writing that; baby, today, and everyday, you're still the one that occupies the life, my life as a whole. Been running around and if I could have done things smarter, it would be easier for me to make time for us. Loving you is still the same bie. That's the storyline cast in stone and so it will always be. Today, woke up knowing you were by my side, and that is the greatest comfort I could ask for. And from today again, this week you're gone and a lamb can only wait until the week is up to see the most precious thing, person in my life.

It's not I don't think of you, it's just work and routines catching up to me. I guess it's all about being smarter with what has been given to me :) this year seems to be moving along pretty fast and maybe the greatest blessing is that we have each other to look forward to at the end of the day.

This blog without doubt is getting more bare and empty by the day. I wish I could put pen to paper more often on what it means to live everyday with you and more importantly, what you mean to me. That would mean me writing the same thing everyday. This is my note to you baby, I know you have not seen a physical one on your desk for a while. But this is not about you getting used to new experiences with me. This is about you baby. And I love you. I know you send me the same message too everyday and all I do is I write it better.

But this is the truth and you are my truth. Today, for me, going to work is for now, all about our wedding. I haven't forgotten why I took up this job and I believe that holding your hand is the most beautiful experience everyday. I just wish you would stop trying to catch my records in Tap Tap Revenge because I totally beat you :P

PS. Bie, spend more time loving me too :P

training day

Was on the side of the agency after so many years. Feels rusty being at the forefront again for a turn. Wore long sleeves again after ages and the pants could barely hold in all that growing fat from the days in AirAsia. Lion said I looked fat, I think I look different. Am seeing things different now from the brash man who barged into everything with passion and maybe it's a sign of growth or it could be just a lesson in life. I still live by passion and I don't think it's learning from the past that keeps me in check. But maybe I've learned what it takes to make things successful.

Today had a glimpse of a client I will be working with for a long time to come. Like the ocean, it had it's ups and downs and like the ocean, the meeting held so much underneath the surface. So much potential yet at times the surface was murky with so many potential problems to come.

Felt a tinge of excitement at starting another social media project from ground up again and it admittedly is another challenge worth getting up to work for. Too often, I ask myself if I was on most days in AirAsia so swept away with complacency and finding excuses to let the passion drain away. I always thought it was passion that was too energy consuming that in time caused burn-out. But sitting in the meeting today, listening, looking at another team have a stab and a go at something I saw through my own eyes, I think it was more, no company offered a vision compelling enough for me to stay passionate.

Looking back, I realised how reckless it all seemed to kickstart the social media assets at AirAsia. But I know it was precisely because I was reckless and crazy enough that it succeeded. May that hunger and passion never die out.

Having a hand in my own career path like never before, I wonder if things this time might be different. So much excitement and the "ocean" beckons and calls. Everything seems right again. Can't wait for the passion to engulf and overcome me once I put on that shirt and pants again. Same pants, same shirt, all new day. Can't hardly wait. Wonder if the passion will last. The ocean calls. Here we go go go.

PS. Bie, have I told you that you're beautiful today. Thanks for waiting and thanks for being here at the start of a new chapter.

I love us too

Never knew I could feel like this,
like I've never seen the sky before.
Want to vanish inside your kiss
and I love you until the end of time.

~ Moulin Rouge



Today's post is simple. I love us too. I see special in everything we do too. And I never knew I could feel like this. To vanish in your kiss and to love you until the end of time. I woke up today and something was empty but today can't wait for summer to return. I have a date with spring :)

PS. Bie, have I told you today that you're beautiful? You're simply the most beautiful person my eyes have ever "seen" today