peeking at the weekends again...

I love this spot. It's like heaven. Right here on earth. Maybe that's what heaven is. Maybe we go through life collecting people and places we love, and they become our heaven.

~ Samantha, (Leelee Sobrieski) Here on Earth



I blinked and the weekends are here again. Today is the day my fingers dance post number eighty eight for her. The only waltz I'm listening to is her voice from this morning when she said those three words as I shuffle the thoughts of writing what I'm feeling for her in my head. I've been painting this canvass for three months and twelve days. Today was the first time I actually clicked back just to see how far we've come and I'm still amazed at how much more we will see in the pages ahead. If only you could hear how much my heart whispers that this will last our lifetime together. Hold my hand as we collect more chapters of our story together and stay with me as they become our heaven.

I asked you what kind of post I could write that would make you happy. Today, the entire world has been fascinated and transfixed by the news of the passing of one of the modern world's greatest icons, the king of pop himself. Michael Jackson did hold a special place in my memory as the ultimate entertainer beyond his time and more so for my brother growing up. He was the trendsetter and a trailblazer of his time. Undeniably, he left an impact of creativity on me and a belief that nothing is impossible, that man was truly made to transcend colour and creed. I would rather choose to celebrate his memory today next to my baby than to mourn his lost.

Case Study A: King of Pop	Case Study B: Queen of My Heart
Considered one of the greatest performers in the history of music and entertainment. Electrified stadiums and nations with his talent. Rulers have bowed at his feet	Considered one fo the greatest humans/elves/lion to walk the earth. Makes people happy just by being within 5 meters of her and smiling. Made me bend over backwards just to see her smile
Filled my childhood with amazing dance steps and heart warming lyrics	Filling my life with ultimate warmth and will continue to paint smiles for me until the end of my days. Shes the queen of the podium to boot
His legacy will live with all mankind probably for the rest of our remaining lives until our third generation where people will wonder if he really was that good	Her memories and legacy will live with me forever
The only man who ruled the 80s universe with every single release and sadly left his remaining legacy as a weird character consumed with himself	The only woman who will rule my universe for a lifetime and will live the rest our days together watching every sunrise and sunset

They are both separate special people in my universe, I will always remember MJ and refuse to acknoledge the calls the media crafted for him as Wacko Jacko. Today is a day the rest of the world unites and prays for the lost of one of the world's greatest gifts. His passing only serves to remind me of what I have and the hand I am holding that I should always be treasuring. Today, its your day MJ but everyday even today is hers, the queen of my heart. I would like to record this: that today, baby, you are the one that matters most and it will stay that way for the days to come.

Its the weekend again and I'm really blessed to be able to spend it with you. Its two days to our three months and I love you. We have done so much and although we will never rule the world like MJ did, you rock my world with every passing second together. I just want to celebrate how lucky I am to have a girl like you loving me back despite all my imperfections. MJ, the girl is mine, thanks for the memories. Rest in peace.

Bie, I would like to dedicate this MJ song for you which I truly feel each day, rain or shine, I am yours.

You are not alone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

PS. Bie, bie, bie! Its the weekends again! Your smile is the agenda, my smile is the effect and a lifetime is the result. I need your hand, then forever can begin.

the story of you and me

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think of the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the twin towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. And if you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion that love actually is all around."

~ Love Actually



Once upon a time, there was a silly boy and this beautiful girl who roamed the woods of Happily Ever After happily without a care in the world. All was fair in the land of fairies, pixies and flying piglets. They enjoyed each other's company and did not have a care about the raging storms in Chaosland or the endless worries in Worryland. For they were in love and nothing is more important than that. They say that all good things are never without trial or challenges.

That day came in a downpour of rain and thunderstorm when the beautiful maiden was separated from the silly boy. For you see, both were under the rule of the kingdom of Air and the ruler had summoned the fair maiden to do a bidding and to finish a quest on the kingdom's behalf. The fair maiden had to obey the mandate of the kingdom. The silly boy dearly wanted to follow the girl on her quest but fearing the anger of the kingdom, the girl took away his wings and forbid him to follow her on her quest. For the punishment and price to pay would be too great to bear.

The quest was to lead a group of accompanying flying pigs to the Lake and back again. The fair maiden had to travel alone past dark realms and threatening monsters along many paths. But she was unafraid because she knew that the silly boy was with her always. He had given her his heart and she had given hers to him. So she went forth bravely. The journey would take five days nights and was filled with peril and many dangers.

The silly boy promised to write to her on the stars. Every night she would gaze at the stars and smile. The silly boy would send messenger pigeons whenever possible and she would reply whenever there was no danger in sight of the adventure party. There were many challenges and many sad moments. But they still believed and held hands. For they knew what mattered most. Once she broke down and wept when all seemed so bleak and lost. But he whispered to the winds that she remain strong. One challenge by another, they faced together. One wave after another, but love held them steadfast together.

She would isolate and keep to herself at times to gather herself and he would always remind her through the wind that she was never alone. He would embrace her with his love. She would get up time and time again. It was lonely to be leading a bunch of flying pigs but she would keep faith and carry on no matter what problems appeared. When she lost her temper, the winds from the silly boy would calm her and she would force herself to be stronger. The accompanying flying pigs would be attacked from time to time with many threats. Some would lose pouches of their belongings and some would stray away. But she held firm determined to see the five days to its end. The road was difficult but the journey was at its end.

The wait and missing the fair maiden for so long was also hard on the silly boy because he loved her so so much. It took a tremendous strain on him. On the final night, he broke down on his knees singing,

Heaven

Can't fall asleep tonight
I don't know what to do
I hold my pillow but I wanna be holding you
And when I close my eyes I always see your face
I know my happiness is only a kiss away
And every hour here in the dark
Every beat of my lonely heart
Tells me that I need to be with you
Heaven oh heaven what can I do

Heaven, heaven oh heaven can't you help me
I look in her eyes now she's all I see
Heaven oh heaven can't you help me
I'm down on my knees help me

The silly boy brushed aside all his tears because today is different. Today is the end of the wait. Today, at the end of the fifth day, the journey is at its end. It ends with a happily ever after for the gust of wind is bringing the fair maiden back. Thats the way things were meant to be. The quest was at its end. They were meant to be together. The silly boy is leaving this story for the fair maiden to complete. This is not the end. At least not in the conventional terms, because this is just the beginning. This story is going to last a lifetime so the full stop does not end here. Happily ever after is just a turn of the page away.

PS. Bie, its meant to be. Heaven is when you smile on the tarmac at 7pm today. Our chapter continues on. Hold my hand and let us complete it together one day at a time.

just one more day to heaven...

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me"

~ Runaway Bride



Its Thursday. My posts have been a running commentary countdown of days of the week starting from the day she left. Its like I need to constantly remind myself on the day she will be back. The fact is that I only have to wait for one more day. Sounds simple but like she said, its easy to get tired from missing her so so much. She said she has diabetes from all the sweet nothings I whisper and type for her. If yes, then who is going to pay for all the medical fees when she melts my heart just by smiling everytime?

It feels so warm waiting for her and I remember fondly the times that feels so good which I have often described as lying in between sheets on a cold rainy day. Feeling the warm sheets in between the rain, I actually answered a phone call from my mom once and found it hard to concentrate even then. The sheets were so fine and warm with the storm just outside peeking in. You can basically sleep in any position under the sheets and still feel comfortable and warm. Its that mind blowing an experience that you feel so comfortable and right that the world disappears and the thought of her is all that matters. That moment with her. Feels a bit unfair comparing the feeling of waiting for the most important person in my life to hiding in between sheets on a cold day but its true. She warms my heart with her every touch and when she responds to me calling her and when she smiles back, my mind gets lost and my heart races like no other.

Some days when I'm happy, I feel like having a bit of milk in bed. Doesn't matter if its hot or cold. Dribbling it down my tounge, it feels nice and warm under those sheets. Guess its one of the luxuries in life to stay in bed and do nothing or just a little and let the world have its own way outside. Its very contenting to just watch as you lie in bed and the time goes by. The clock chimes to tell you how much time you've been 'wasting' but its okay because everything feels so good. Her eyes are so beautiful and always tells stories. I remember looking at them all the time just closing my eyes in those sheets and they tell me so much. When her hands touches mine and we just embrace the moment, nothing feels more right. The thrust or essence of the moment is that I'm all that matters to her and shes all that matters to me which is so beautiful.

Its very easy to get lost in her eyes, trust me on that one. Just one more day and admitedly its been rough at times. Woke up this morning, thinking about her with liquid drooling everywhere. Realised I was sick (hopefully love sick did not cause that) and had to call in the office. Sitting here typing this and finishing my work from home, I can't help but let my mind wander and find her more times than I would normally allow. The perfect piece of the missing jigsaw puzzle of my life, thats what she is. Need to go have a shower and bend over the sink. Time to freshen up and see the day. Nothing is more perfect than to start with her and just imagine her warmth all over me.

Life is or should I put it pieces of experiences, events and of course emotions that drift us by. She happens to be the center of mine. A huge part of it actually. I wish I had a clone, a mini Derek sort of that could accompany her and keep her warm now when shes sad and feeling alone. That way, I wouldn't be separated, but to think of it, which Derek would it be then with her? I amuse myself sometimes thinking these silly thoughts. Which she often finds cute and childish which leads to her calling me boy like my mom. Oh, she has other names for me as well, wish I will be her everything for a lifetime, sort of like her god, which is bad and selfish but good to me. I feel I'm getting more delusional as the moment she comes back approaches. Miss her so so much. There are three constants or sure fire things in this world, the sun rises from the east, she is the center of my universe and we will love each other for a lifetime.

Just one more day and I'm already counting the seconds. Just one more.

PS. Bie, you are my warmth in the coldest hour, my meaning on the most boring of days, my love of my lifetime. You are simply you. My everything.