haunting you forever if you dont mind

If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?

~ Casper



Slept late last night so I would be tired out and wouldn't be getting up in between missing you. Just one more day. After a week of crafting stories from aliens to adventures in lost worlds, today your hobbit would just like to record a message from my heart and thoughts from a silly lamb's mind for you before I get to the convention center for the dive exhibition. Just a simple, short and sweet message if I can write one for you. We're going together baby theres no doubt about that. You simply never left my side. Its just I can't see you right now and that hurts a bit. I know you wanted me to write about whats going on in the exhibition but I would really like to tell you what I saw instead of you reading a 'review'.

The weathers nice today with birds chirping at the window as I type this down and last I checked, Taipei was also sunny like your smiles on the phone. Blame the naughty ponies for nibbling on your shawl. All kind of animals and beasts seem to like to feed on you :) Its you, always about you. Am happy that your sorethroat is gone and that you can finally enjoy today fully. Its the last long full day and a part of me is happy and the other wishing that today would go by faster. Time does play funny parts on my emotions especially when you're not around. I woke up rubbing my eyes hard today and the image of you slapping my hand away immediately stopped me and left me with a grin. I woke up with a faint memory of a dream involving you. You were smiling for me and that was beautiful.

Todays a beautiful day baby. After falling down from my bed trying to touch you in my dream and bruising my leg against the wall, I'm smiling more today baby because that image of the most beautiful creature under the seas is still keeping me enchanted. You're beautiful today baby. How do I know? Because I have to know and theres nothing more true. Like Casper, baby, if I act cute and say I love you, can I keep you forever? With that, your hobbit is signing off and starting out to the expo. Divers beware, baa baa baaa!

PS. Bie, keeping myself entertained by daydreams of alien invasions, you in Bali, laces and your smile. Todays beautiful and its all because of you, its always you. Smile for me baby, I love you!

the long day

I was born to kiss you.

Only You. I love you without knowing how, why, or even from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way then this.

Robin Williams, Patch Adams



There's an Italian painter named Carlotti, and he defined beauty...He said it was the summation of the parts, working together in such a way that nothing needed to be added, taken away, or altered, and thats you, you're beautiful. Been texting you the whole morning but haven't received any from you and I think you must be really busy. Just got off a conversation on the steps moving forward in social media but you were right there in my mind admist all the talks and so on. Wondering if I'm there in yours at this busy moment.

You came by to melt my heart this morning before rushing off but I've never stopped missing you since the moment my eyes opened to see the day. I saw you for a short while and baby, you're beautiful. Trying to find a meaning to smile to when you're not here right now and to find a way to show you I love you despite the noise thats all around. I find today very uninspirational, its like I do not know what to tell you on a beautiful day. Maybe its because you're close but not around.

Todays been slow and the pace has been awfully unkind similar to whenever you're not around. Waiting for lunch where we can meet. Its days like these that you wish you never had to see, especially when you are simply all my meaning there is to be. I feel I'm missing something so important, but I cannot place what it is. Something has not felt right the entire day. People say that its all in your mind, that everything is just a play of the mind, thats why you feel lost. Truth of the matter is, I feel lost without you and todays going to be a long day. But it is going to be beautiful with you as part of it because you're still holding my hand.

PS. Baobei, thinking about you every second of the day.

the first day...

When I saw you, I was afraid of meeting you.
When I met you, I was afraid of kissing you.
When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you.
Now that I love you, I'm afraid of losing you.

The Voice Of Love by Silard Somorjay (soundtrack) Movie: The Streets of Beijing



Where there is love, distance does not matter. Woke up on a quiet labour day later than usual. Was having bouts of waking up from time to time throughout the morning, trying to steal as much time as possible on the phone with her before the flight. Am still slightly lethargic but I have three full days to recuperate and rest which is tremendous rest time. Its the start of a three day break but the most important element is missing. The last thing that kept coming back to me before I shut my eyes was her telling me, or rather asking me how could I do this to her that I did not tell her things.

Somehow I managed to keep adding doubts and more questions for her at one time. Think shes still scared of being hurt which I totally understand but my heart wants to set her free from all the past and all the future question marks. Love is like throwing yourselves at each other. You do not know if the other will catch you but you trust that person will. Everytime you do, you always might get hurt. But the essence of love is the courage it takes to throw yourself and to believe. The strength of love is in the fact that you have dared to take the leapt. The beauty in love is when the other person catches you.

Its a Friday afternoon and Mr. Sun has not been as cruel as other days this week. Peeking in through the drawn curtains, he gives me inspiration when I'm typing this that hope always glimmers when you least look for it. That the light will shine through the darkness. There is so much to be afraid about but there is more to be hopeful and be thankful for. For when shes gone, I have a reason to wait for the coming days ahead. I have a reason to smile like an idiot when I think of her almost all the time. I have a purpose to continue to make my days happy until she gets back. Thinking back how different it was from the week she was in Tianjin.

Back then, waiting for her was mostly agony because we just got started and there was so much in between. But shes so beautiful, she makes my everyday beautiful. I wake up every morning wanting to make each day beautiful because of her. Does this mean that it stops when shes gone? Of course not. It means that I need to work harder to make it beautiful for her or else she will think that I'm taking a break. She makes my day beautiful and she left me her heart. She told me that. So how can I make her heart sad while shes gone?

Writing this blog post won't remove her doubts but loving her with all I have will. Writing this is not to make her happy or just to comfort her. But writing this is a promise that I will remove her doubts with time and with love. Its not easy but love is never easy. Its a great day so far. I've smiled today more than the entire week she was last gone. Todays beautiful and she definitely is beautiful.

PS. Bie, I'm missing u so so much. Monday can't come soon enough.