Motivational Astrological Readings

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie agreat deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick toreprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyoneyou come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have major influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence but are still a general badass.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and worklike hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothingbut a goddamed communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means youare a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makesyou a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will alwaysbe on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Mostleos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arroganceis disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbationmore than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)You are a logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude issickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional andoften fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Ifyou are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetarygain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot betrusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your totallack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios aremurdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.