waiting for you, waiting for perfection

If I could measure the beauty of her eyes, I was born to look into them and know myself.

~ Shakespeare In Love



Today is a Thursday. It's not just any Thursday because it's the Thursday just before your birthday. I heard someone whisper your name today, but when I turned around to see who it was, I noticed I was alone. That's when I realized it was my heart telling me how much I miss you. I realize that I want to be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you. And it's now only a few hours before the next milestone on probably the most important list of our lives. The weather has smiled these few days and everything looks really good. It's another day to laze around and just take in the moments.

I woke up today to her and really there is so much a heart can take before it melts away. Of course she again termed me and described me as "ka-kacau". But I would really like to be able to pester her and bug her to wake up each morning. I think that is a real privilege. To be able to wake up and see the most important and most beautiful thing in my life is a blessing and a grace that not everyone will ever have. And I think today is perfect. Simply because she smiled and kissed me before she left.

Was thinking of what to do today and about work when I realized this truth. A doctor can save my life on the operating table. A lawyer can defend my life and my honour in a court of law. A soldier can give me a peaceful life by facing the dangers at the battlefield. But only you, only you can give me a MEANINGFUL LIFE. And for that, I am thankful for each passing day. I am lucky that we share the same air to breathe, the same dreams asleep and the same smile when we make each other complete. And I am thankful that she exists to make my world perfect every second she is in it.

Today is beautiful and you're voice is beautiful. I wish I could share more of that beauty and we have an entire weekend for that for which I can't wait to begin and am grateful for. Counting down the seconds bie. It feels so long yet when it comes, I'm sure the moment will be running to get away from us. I want it to last and with you, it will always last. It will last because I believe it bie. And tomorrow is coming. I can't wait. I love you.

PS. Bie, I am behaving and I miss you so much that words fail to describe the feeling of breathing but it doesn't mean anything because you are not here to share my air. I love you. I'm waiting for you baby.

no prince but a man in love

I kneel before you not as a prince, but as a man in love.

~ Ever After: A Cinderella Story



These last two weeks I have heard words describe me which I do not think I am. I am not handsome, yau yeng or even good looking. That much I know is true. I am no prince and am no great person but I am this person who thinks everyday is special because she breathes in it. What I do hope is that she sees me who knows what I want and I want my everyday to be her. Because she is my meaning. She's all my meaning. Today, we started today together and I think everyday that we do, it is something special because I am alive from the moment my eyes are open.

Today I woke up to the most beautiful person in the world and she always is so warm and heart melting in the morning. I began my day looking for warmth that no comforter can replace and she gave me perfection. I woke up very much aware that it's only going to be 46 hours, 44 minutes before we start for Bali. It was precise because our trip to Bali has always been in my mind through all the lighter and darker moments we shared together and we are finally here. I am not nervous but I definitely am eager to finally be there with her.

Had time to shave my head and simply rest ahead today. It was a welcome break and nothing beats a calm before another of the events that will live with us for a long long time to come. I know this because she is simply the most special person in my life and she makes a good moment great and great moments perfect. I'm going to shut down and be in real lazy mode until she appears again. Such a lazy day that it's beautiful. Driving home I really took time to think about the moments that got us here and I wouldn't have changed anything. Everything is going to be perfect and I can't wait.

We grew along the way to get here and now that we're finally here, I can't wait to continue walking along our list with you. I know that the road ahead after Bali is over is going to be long, dark and scary at times but I for one can't hardly wait. I know that together we have something special and that something special only grows with time and with us allowing it to grow. So I will love you and I will keep hoping what we have grows with us and before we know it, we are there at the end where we want to be. Just one step, one day at a time and look where are we now. I love you baby and that much only needs to be true. So today, I, this crazy, childish at times, idiot most times but always loving you lamb am here waiting for today to be over and our tomorrow to begin again.

PS. Bie, I want to be accountable to us, to our happiness, to our meanings that we believe in and I want to be the one. Walk with me. Today is beautiful. Carpe diem, seize everyday with me baby and let's make it perfect together.

maybe there is only I love you

What will I give to live where you are?
What would I pay to stay here beside you?
What will I do to see you smiling at me?

~ The Little Mermaid



It's a Friday without you. And it's quiet. Not quiet around me but very much inside me. I miss everything you and your voice inside me that guides me today. But somehow I feel this calm, this sense that you are with me and for that I smile. I smile today for you baby and I hope you're smiling when thinking of me too. My nose is acting up and I think it's because I haven't sniffed your scent today. It's kinda red from me rubbing it constantly and maybe it might make you laugh if you saw it now. And that baby, would be beautiful.

I always write when you're not around. Maybe because I want to talk to you, connect with you and just try to fit in somewhere in your life. I do want to matter in your life because you're such a huge part in mine. Today everything seems to move in a way that doesn't make sense and I'm hoping it ends fast so that I can see you soon. Nothing really interesting to say about how much I think of you other than I think of you every second and I miss you, so am writing you a story if you decide to read this when you're tired or bored.

This is a story about a fox and the moon. There was a wolf that did not have a pack nor did he belong to a clan. This fox was solitary by nature and traveled the land looking for a meaning and a place to belong. The wolf passed every creek and looked at every bush. He saw his image in the waters of the river and he wondered. Why do I have a snout for a nose and yet not belong to the dogs? Dogs were adored by men, fed, well pampered and kept in doors. Why do I walk upright and hunching over like a hyena he asked. Maybe that's why people are suspicious of me he thought. He wondered if maybe he was not so grey like the colour of rain and more gentle like white or fierce as black would perhaps he be more accepted.

So thus he wandered far and wide, eyes wide open, nose always sniffing and paws always wanting to stay where there was warmth. He passed by families of birds and asked if they would take him in. The little chick perched in the nest chirped back, "Go away. You only want to eat me!" The wolf muttered back, "I only want to belong and I can climb and build my own nest in trees!" The birds answered by driving down in doves chasing him away, pecking here and there. Bruised, the wolf came to a family of beavers building a dam in the rivers. Approaching enthusiastically as they chipped away, the wolf said, "Can I help you? My snout is strong and my paws dependable in carrying lumber and wood. I would build a good home." The beavers chided as they replied in unison, "Bah, you can't swim. Your fur smells in the water. Go away. We're busy as can be!"

Bruised in ego and in body, the wolf took his leave. He wandered further into the woods and saw a family of bears. He came by their cave curious, "Bears, hear me. I have fur like you and I hunt like you. Let me join you." The bears stared back before grizzling, "We do not need you, you can not stand upright and eat honey with us and your skin is weak against bees. You do not belong." With that the wolf went further down the trail past the woods into the open clearing and at that moment, the moon shone.

Looking at the moon, the wolf thought, "How beautiful you are. But you are alone. Should I share your sorrow? Maybe I should howl for both of us". And he howled long and sad into the silent night. And to his surprise, he heard a howl also in return. "Might you howl also about us also Moon?" he thought and howled again. This time it was clear that the female howled back. He looked with the help of the moon and he saw another wolf. Gazing intently, he said, "You are like me. But I have never got along with other wolves. Why are you here?" The female wolf looked back intently, "Neither have I. I have been looking for another that will share warmth and meaning. I do not need a hunting partner. I need someone that I can hold onto for life." The wolf smiled and nodded. They walked long into the night, running together for life, never belonging to a place except to each other.

Bie, I hope you like this story I took time to write for you this morning. Like that wolf I was looking but having found you I have you will run with me this life. Dance this dance on this floor that we have. I'm not a good dancer but I'm learning the moves that make us look good. My tempo is off most of the time and I know it takes time to perfect, so give me everyday to hold your hand and I promise to only be better. Because like that song you like, you make it better for me too and today, today is beautiful. I love you.

PS. Bie, been thinking about you all morning and every second in between. I love you and I want to see you soon. I hope our today is beautiful until we meet and you make it perfect.

finding you perfect on a wednesday

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going."

~ Practical Magic



Wednesday. Love.

I have written so many project plans in over the four years of period that I have been having a job. Perhaps I should have written one a long time ago and shared it with you. So let me share the plans and dreams of a hobbit with you.

Project Code: TOP Priority
Project Name: The Pursuit of Lion (Happyness)
Project Timeline: From the moment subject matter laid eyes on me (beginning) and estimated end period of forever and ever
Proposed Budget: Whatever it takes
Success Parameters:
1. Being with you forever
2. Making you the happiest luckiest woman in the world
Estimated returns: A lifetime of the greatest happiness

Project Team:-
Project Lead: Hobbit
Project Team:
1. Lamb
2. Bie
3. Agent Yau Yeng

Resources allocation:
1. All the love in the world
2. All the patience of a hobbit
3. All the time left in the life of a bie
4. All the good things about agent Yau Yeng

Proposed Activities:-
Bring Sexy Back
~ To bring back everything that feels good and sexy everyday into your life by simply being me. Not that I'm sexy but I think you're hot and sexy and maybe being with an idiot/moron, you would actually be a Goddess. Well, my Goddess at least. I want you to feel good about everything you and that this world is beautiful and sexy to live on. That every second with me is beautiful and so worth living.

Hold your hand and never let go
~ The trick is in not really in holding tight and refusing to let go. The real trick is in fitting my hand in just nice into your life, letting it breathe a little, supporting the hand when it's weak and generally carrying the load of your hand. Sometimes it involves balancing but always, it's always about letting your hand know, that no hand fits better and carries your's better until the end of our days. I know my hand sweats after like 3 mins and it's ugly but it's strong and it's steady. And it holds tight and supports strong.

Wipe away the clouds
~ No advanced scientific machinery to control the weather is necessary but what is really required is the willingness to stand in the rain and after that paint another rainbow before the sun appears. Everyone needs reminding that the sun will shine. And I know I will not always be that sunshine that is beautiful but I am here for you in all weathers and when the clouds are there, I will chase them away with patience, gentleness and love.

Finding treasure
~ Yes, I am greedy. I am greedy for each treasure that is your smile. I am greedy for treasure that is you. I am greedy for us. I am greedy for time for us and I am definitely greedy and never contented being with you. Yes, I am guilty of being greedy and I will never be satisfied because I will never have enough of you.

Writing meaning
~ To write my meaning not in the sands of the sea or on rocks or on paper. But in the brightest stars of my sky. Because I will always find meaning in your eyes and there are none more brighter and shiny in my sky. And I will always be lost in them. That's my meaning. So in them forever I will stay.

Walk an endless Road
~ It's walking until the end that counts. And to walk, it requires all resources and more than that. In every project, there are unforseen obstacles and challenges especially for a project so monumental and daring in nature. But this is not an option or a choice, to walk is a commitment of everything. I know your mother told you guys, boys and men are never to be trusted so it's okay I'm a hybrid of things that you can lean on and walk with until the end. One day maybe when we've lost all our teeth and hair and maybe, maybe just then you will remember this project plan and you will smile. And I will wait for that day. Until then, let's keep walking, let's keep loving, let's keep living.

Today is beautiful and maybe this project plan only complements. It's just a plan, it's not alive. What's alive is this. What's real is this. Right here, right now, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and maybe until the end, I am here. I am real. I love you and plan or no plan, I will always be here, your lamb, your hobbit, your bie, your all.

PS. Bie, I know the plan is far from perfect and only paints happy pictures, but life together is happiness and I will always chase my happyness, you. I am here for you. Always. I love you.

filling in the blanks

He was like an angel, you know? I never knew life could be like that. He was the one thing I followed through in my life, the one thing I didn't give up on. I was good at loving him.

~ The Untamed Heart



It's a Tuesday and I love you. I mean it. I mean it everyday. Tuesdays were created to love you F.Y.Y., my lion, my elf and my all. If there is a blank spot in my life, I believe that you were created to fill it. It seems that I am no longer needed to fill any gaps in yours. In fact, I am the pressure that you do not need and the presence that makes you upset. Because there is too much of me and I'm sad being the face that pressures you and upsets you. I'm sad being the face you don't want to look at.

So here I am going to give you what you want. I will stay away and I will not care about anything you tell me. Because you tell me different things everyday and don't care how I feel when you say you forgot what you tell me yesterday or what we agreed to. I will not wait anymore. I will not fight to find time for us anymore and I will not in your own words "sayang or care" about things around us and in between us so much anymore. And as you said, I hope you are happy. Maybe, just maybe because now you are finally free.

You have your friends, and anything else that keeps you excited and not bored and you have me, this selfish self centered person who needs to see you whenever I can also trying to also fit in. I am here fighting for time with you which it seems upsets you and pressures you because there is too much right now in your life. I don't want to fight for someone who doesn't want me to anymore. And I hope now you are smiling because you finally get what you want and you are now happy. You said I should be happy because I have a girlfriend who doesn't need me so much and I can do what I like. I like to see you smile so I will love you the way you want me to. All I want to do is love you and hope you are happy.

PS. There is no PS. I don't think there is one today.

monday is for loving you

"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."

~ Sarah Bernhardt



The weekend was perfect and it was perfect in every single way. She thinks I'm frightened and look forced to be at the dinner but all I felt was a strange calm and happiness that she chose to include me into her life and her past just a little bit. Sitting here today feels good and it's a good kind of good having done so much over the weekend. Let's see, we watched a play (which must be said left her absolutely clueless over literature English), attended a wedding, had great rest, watched a good warm fuzzy feeling movie, fed our Grey's Anatomy addiction and had great time just resting and cuddling in sheets.

It was probably the most we've done in a weekend here and she's tired also from her training and I'm going to take care of her more today and drive her home later tonight. I would like to say more about always making her look like the bad person in our relationship but there really is nothing to say because she is simply not. And I know she feels bad more than anything but hopefully what I think and feel matters more to her. That she's simply trying to be more understanding and open to include me into her life and I enjoyed every moment of it. You gave me a choice and I have no regrets in accepting your offer to be part of your life, probably the most constructive part of it, your childhood and if there is any regret, let it lie only because I took too much of your time that you should have for your own and your friends.

Today will be the start of many busy and tiring days ahead for her. I want her to know that this silly lamb is always here for her. That's the most important message for my baby today. It's going to be hard and there will be days that she will find it hard to wake up to but I'm going to be right by your side. Like the way you complete me by feeding me into who I want to be and what I want, I too hope I complete you and make things simply better. Today is beautiful and we should be smiling. It started with a note and you asked why no eyebrows, I couldn't give you an honest answer then, but how do you wish me to draw the perfect face? Impossible. But what I can do is maintain that smile on your face today.

Baby, you have post and nothing and no message is more important than I love you and you are all that matters. Smile with me and I must say that I am already missing you now what more later when I can't see you or talk to you when I want to. Today, when you feel tired, rest on me. When you can't find a reason to be happy, let me be your reason to smile. I love you and hold my hand today baby. It's beautiful.

PS. Bie, counting the days to Bali. I love you and nothing means more today and everyday more than you. You are my reasons. All my reasons.

clouds today

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn. People die. But real love lives forever.

~ The Crow



Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself, wishing to be lost again. Today is beautiful and like my baby said, less words, more kissing.



If you love coffee, I just love drinking in all your smiles and just being with you.



I wish I can cut out things around me that shows how I feel about you.



I hope you know that with you everyday is a smile no matter how gloomy it is because you are beautiful.



It's written in the cards and I believe like you in this thing called destiny. Everything has a reason. My reason is you.



You are all my reasons. In everything I see and in everything that I do. I love you.

~ Better (Boyzone)

Oh the more I talk to you
I fall in love with
Everything you do
O-oh

See what I'm trying to say is
You make things
Better
And no matter what the day is
With you here
It's better

Our love has changed
It's not the same
And the only way to say it is say it
It's better



I see you in everything and I love you in everything. In everything ordinary in my life, you are everything special. The only disappointment I have in you is that I can not make you smile because of me every second. So I'm going to be better. And we're going to be better. I love you.

PS. Bie, maybe the only thing I need to say is that you too make things better, and with you, everything I need becomes better.

waking up asleep

I may not get to heaven, but I am little closer to it when I am with you.

~ Ever After



You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. I confess I have been having troubles sleeping because reality, my reality right now is simply perfect and I find myself wanting to wake up at night to look at pieces of perfection lying next to me. I woke up this morning and found the bed I was lying on empty. And it pained me to realise that you're not here with me this morning. And I miss you.

Getting up today felt empty. Driving to work today felt empty. Walking into the office today felt empty. It felt empty because I was not waking up to you. It felt empty because I was not driving you and it also felt empty because I was walking into office alone without you. And what makes it even more empty is having breakfast without your smile.

Still don't understand how small things can ruin everything. Like how can you not smiling ruin our breakfast today which was supposed to be special. I appreciate it all but it means nothing at the end.

man/mæn/ Spelled Pronunciation [man]

There is perhaps more that defines a man than just physical attributes from a boy. And maybe it's strength. I have shown that I have been strong enough to carry both of us and hold us together at all times. Maybe that is a definition of a man? To carry both his and his woman's destiny and hold them both himself? Maybe not.

Maybe it's mental maturity. Maybe it's about how matured in thinking a person is to forsee beyond just the short term and emotions and do the right thing under any circumstance? I have always done what my heart tells me and that is why you feel secure in my arms. Why you can trust me with things when it comes to us. If you do not trust any of this then trust in yourself. Ask yourself, why do you feel comfortable and secure with me.

I am your man who will stand by you and protect you at all times, when you're smiling and I know you're trying. It's just I'm not sure what it is that you're trying to accept most times. Because you don't shut someone out when you're figuring out how to love him and just stop loving him while you think your own thoughts through. I want to be there when you're thinking something, not because I can change things or manipulate you but I want to be there when there is any issue with us. Because it's about us and both of us feel alone and cold when you turn away to resolve an issue. I am here and I will always be here.

It's not about a man or a boy. It's about this person that you love and I know you love me. Let it stay at that. Because that's actually the only thing that matters. The truth of the matter is, I love you and when I see you, you are all that I see. And I get lost in you most times. It's like drowning and the only thing I'm reaching for is you. I woke up to clouds of not being able to see you and I ate breakfast under clouds of not seeing your smile. But I know this. That true love is a color that never fades. I miss you and the color I always see is you. Wondering when I will see your smile again.

PS. There is no PS today. Just want your smile and my baby back. I love you.

you..it's all about you

Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.

~ Hitch



Tired. We're both tired but the last long weekend was simply great. If I could go back and change anything, I would not. There is nothing more to ask than to lie in the arms of the people you love the most. Yes, time flew by us but this gift of being able to spend it with the one who matters most is a privilege and I come back to work happy but unsatisfied. I still feel greedy about the time we have together. I always feel I need more time. More time holding her in sheets, more time cuddling in front of the tv, more time walking Prince, more time eating more food and more time just being with her.

Today's weather is great for sleeping indoors and I wish we could have stayed longer in bed. It's shaping to be a really lazy day and she's going to be so tired by the end of the day and nearly half dead by the end of the week. Writing this piece to cheer her up. Baby, if you're reading this, I wish I had more cheerful words to craft into a happier message and a more motivating one to make you smile. Like when you are near and make my world shinny and more cheerful, I love you. And I wish I too make your spot in the world shinny and cheerful too.

Driving to work today and talking about tomorrow and the future, it always reminds us that we have so much more to do and life is still so long ahead to walk. It's nice that way. That I can hold your hand to work and just think what today and the future holds, no matter where we end up as long as I have you, it is perfect. Like Rosie last night, don't you dare go before we complete our list or I will make sure you regret it in your next life. There are so many things to look forward to like the holy grail of marriage.

Thinking happy thoughts on a gloomy Tuesday and it helps. Because I smile each time I think about you and the thought of you cheers any stupid passing day that doesn't matter when I don't get to see you much. No matter what, I can't wait to keep painting smiles today with your hand. Writing this short post to make your moment sweet. Love you and just want you to know that it's you I'm thinking of every moment.

PS. Bie, you're beautiful today and when you smile, all dark clouds are chased away so smile for me. Always. I love you.

you and me in the rain..dance with me

Charles: There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realised I totally and utterly loved one person. And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. It's the person standing opposite me now... in the rain.
Carrie: Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.



Am sick today and the worse thing is that my baby is sick too. Friday's are supposed to be full of joy and yes, my day started perfect in the warmth of her hand and the beauty of her eyes. There is no other perfection than to wake up and start a day in the arms of the person who is most important to you. I felt ill from the moment my eyes slit open but for just a few moments, that few moments I held her in my arms, everything escaped and the only thing I saw was her. That is pure happiness.

Baby, I wish I could carry you now when you need me at this moment. Like Johnny Depp in the corpses bride, today with this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way into darkness. With this post, I ask you to be mine. Today when you're feeling down or upset about anything, my hand is here to lift you up. What you need, the most important things in life, I will be and today when you need me, I am always here for you. And when you are lost or feel lonely, I will be your candle lighting any darkness you may see. And with this post, I ask you to share my today and everyday with me.

Today, when I drove to the clinic just less than half an hour earlier, the sun was beautiful and I thought about you. How difficult it must be to drive to somewhere you don't want to go and I am here with you baby. Then and later when you need to be at another day of training, I am with you every second and every step of the way. So don't feel down or upset about anything, I love you and I'm here for you.

Looking forward to just having time after today to rest and be with you. I miss you right now and you're everything on my mind. Can't wait to see you soon baby and I'm going to rest and make sure that I'm healed so that I can take care of you in return when we meet. Today is beautiful baby and hold my hand as we see how beautiful today will be.

PS. Bie, you're beautiful today and like yesterday and everyday, you are my reasons. You are all my reasons. Miss you so much.

what we have is today

Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and there's only one person who makes me feel like I can fly... That's you.

~ Will Smith, Hitch



Feel so sleepy today. My lion is also a walking zombie today if not for the coffee. My baby lion is so sleepy today and she's going to have to go to practice later and her motivation's dropping by the day. And although I was never her strongest supporter to get started on her stage play at the beginning, I am always her lamb who will stand by her. Today, my lion is in need of motivation to keep going and she is going to have all she needs in me because her lamb never lets her fall and he's writing her this story today.

One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "Very good Dad!" "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Yeah!" "And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon." When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless. His son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how 'poor' we are!"

I see everyday like the son of that rich man. I may not have the greatest treasures, the smartest brains or the most handsome eyes or face among men. But it doesn't really matter what this silly lamb thinks. What matters is if this lion of his sees that his greatest treasure is in everything her, that the greatest jewel is her smile, that the greatest diamonds are her eyes and the silk of the world can't compare to her hair. Or does she know that I may not be the smartest but all my mind is on her, every single second my mine is thinking about her. From how to make her smile to how to make our today perfect. And maybe does she know that I may not have the most beautiful eyes but she's the only thing I see and my face is the only thing I hope she will see too?

Maybe that's all important but more important than that is does she know that she's got this silly lamb all over here. On this day that she's tired, this lamb who is so imperfect will carry her and do whatever it takes to lift a bit of her tiredness and weary from her? That everyday, there is nothing more beautiful than her being happy? It is in this hope that I hope she knows that I am always here for her. And with this blog as witness, I will hold her hand with every walk and I will carry her pass every bridge. Today is beautiful and she is the reason. She's all my reasons. I love you baby.

PS. Bie, "wake up" because I love you and we have today to paint beautiful. We have play practice today and I "see" how beautiful you are. Perform for me as I clap on this silent end for the world's greatest performer. I love you and baby, you're my superstar!

today and everyday, I love you...

I dream about being with you forever.

~ Twilight



It was so hard waking up to not see you around. I opened my eyes to Wednesday calling your name and feeling this slight cold inside me that you're not by my side. I had to whisper I love you to get out of bed, dragging myself out to see you. It was a bit cold this morning and driving to your place seemed so far away. I wouldn't say I drove like a madman but it was close.

Holding the steering wheel in both hands, was just thinking about what you told me last night. You asked me to think about how it would be, if I could imagine how life would be for you without me. You asked me how would it feel like if I suddenly stopped loving you or if I would just decide to walk away. It's not really a happy thought and I admit it's something that I never thought of before.

In the movie "The King and I", the king who could not love this foreign women said, "In these dreams I've loved you so that by now I think I know what it's like to be loved by you. I will love being loved by you." Being in love with you and being loved by you, there is no dream or life that I have that is not you and I know you're afraid that this might change in the future. But in a dream world or the real, there really is no possibility that I could think of that you do not exist in.

And then knowing you, you will probably think but what if and why do I think it will not happen if I'm so confident.

For your question number one: There is no what if baby simply because of the same reason you love me. Do you see yourself loving someone else because of any other reason? Because someone else is more handsome? Because he has more material wealth? Because he is a better person? I wish we all had answers why we love someone but that reason exists for a reason and it does not vanish just like that. I love you and I have no reasons to stop loving you. So this scenario or possibility will never come to pass unless you too don't want this anymore.

For your question number two: I am confident because I only see one person in my world and that person is you. I only care about how you feel and it's really because I love you so much that it pains me to even think of losing you. I am confident. I am steady. I am sure. Like Preston Burke. Because you are the only reason I need to be contented with life. You are reason enough to smile. You are reason enough to be able to smile at life. You are all my reasons.

PS. Bie, today's beautiful and you're definitely beautiful. Watching today with you is so beautiful and I can't wait to see you again at lunch. So hungry for you.