getting up

I'm still in bed typing this. Just got off the phone and was thinking about the hours you slept or rather about the hours you did not sleep. You sound okay but thats before all the running around today. Know some things you can control and some things are harder. Wondering if youre putting yourself in my shoes and doing every single thing like you know how I would feel about it. I've heard so many apologies the last 2 weeks but strangely, I do not feel any anger at all. Strange because I feel I can be so patient with you and I'm actually making up reasons for you to myself which is not me at all. I really do not need apologies or anything, I just need you to be safe andif possible to love me back. Sitting here knowing I love you so so much. Missing you and its only one day to go. Both of us have a long day ahead. Don't think I will get the chance to write or rather type after this.

Just want you to know I'm with you every step of the way. Each time you act like a nutter, I'm reminded how much I love you. Worried, yes but each time after I can't help but smile. Smiling when I can imagine you working at your desk into the wee hours of the morning. Thats when I realise I love you because of your determination and sense of responsibility. Smiling when I know you're not going into bed because you want to read my post because I matter to you. Smiling when I heard you went for coffee and only got back at 1. Because you live with your heart and I can trust my heart with you. Don't tell you this because you will only get more reckless :P Only worried, not because you do not know how to take care of yourself. But worried because you wear yourself out so much and then you amaze me by coming back all energetic. Maybe Im not so worried and actually more afraid that you'll burn out and find little energy to love me back.

Writing my thoughts down so that I can be honest with you. I think I'm so afraid of losing you that its practically laughable. And its true that I can not get angry with you because when you smile, I end up making excuses for you all over again. I can see the seams of sunshine breaking into the room. Better get up and have a great day because thats what you want me to do. I love you baby and I hope you're not running all day long. Its just tomorrow...