When I met you, I was afraid of kissing you.
When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you.
Now that I love you, I'm afraid of losing you.
The Voice Of Love by Silard Somorjay (soundtrack) Movie: The Streets of Beijing
Where there is love, distance does not matter. Woke up on a quiet labour day later than usual. Was having bouts of waking up from time to time throughout the morning, trying to steal as much time as possible on the phone with her before the flight. Am still slightly lethargic but I have three full days to recuperate and rest which is tremendous rest time. Its the start of a three day break but the most important element is missing. The last thing that kept coming back to me before I shut my eyes was her telling me, or rather asking me how could I do this to her that I did not tell her things.
Somehow I managed to keep adding doubts and more questions for her at one time. Think shes still scared of being hurt which I totally understand but my heart wants to set her free from all the past and all the future question marks. Love is like throwing yourselves at each other. You do not know if the other will catch you but you trust that person will. Everytime you do, you always might get hurt. But the essence of love is the courage it takes to throw yourself and to believe. The strength of love is in the fact that you have dared to take the leapt. The beauty in love is when the other person catches you.
Its a Friday afternoon and Mr. Sun has not been as cruel as other days this week. Peeking in through the drawn curtains, he gives me inspiration when I'm typing this that hope always glimmers when you least look for it. That the light will shine through the darkness. There is so much to be afraid about but there is more to be hopeful and be thankful for. For when shes gone, I have a reason to wait for the coming days ahead. I have a reason to smile like an idiot when I think of her almost all the time. I have a purpose to continue to make my days happy until she gets back. Thinking back how different it was from the week she was in Tianjin.
Back then, waiting for her was mostly agony because we just got started and there was so much in between. But shes so beautiful, she makes my everyday beautiful. I wake up every morning wanting to make each day beautiful because of her. Does this mean that it stops when shes gone? Of course not. It means that I need to work harder to make it beautiful for her or else she will think that I'm taking a break. She makes my day beautiful and she left me her heart. She told me that. So how can I make her heart sad while shes gone?
Writing this blog post won't remove her doubts but loving her with all I have will. Writing this is not to make her happy or just to comfort her. But writing this is a promise that I will remove her doubts with time and with love. Its not easy but love is never easy. Its a great day so far. I've smiled today more than the entire week she was last gone. Todays beautiful and she definitely is beautiful.
PS. Bie, I'm missing u so so much. Monday can't come soon enough.
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