imperfection

Been always guilty of thinking of nonsense at times. At times, I have been guilty of thinking too much and too deep into simple stuff that it only makes me think I'm really ridiculous afterwards. Sometimes, I wonder in all my weaknesses, the fact that I can't swim, can't dance and can't always speak up actually make me not a right fit for Evil Janet. That perhaps she deserves better. That she should not be with me.

But then, I slap myself up and wonder why in the world am I feeling self pity for myself. True, I'm also carrying a lot of baggage of my own and shes also doing the same. Where she fails, I try to pick her up and get her going again. Where she is bugged by past hurt, I find a way to mend the pieces still floating in her mind. Where she is not certain, I hold her hand. And where shes looking, I love her.

Carpe diem, its simple. Too much thought holds you back. Too much concerns and you sink too fast. I wrote several posts back that I'm not thinking much and just living every moment as it comes by. When I was lost, her smile reminded me that the world is a beautiful place again and I hope I have the strength, mind and body to show her the world the same as I see it every moment with her. I want her to see how beautiful every moment can be when youre with the one you care for and love. A bad day becomes good, a good day becomes great. There is no calculations for who owes who more, or whos the more lucky, because if that was the case, love would simply not make sense.

Its not about how many children you adopt, not about how much chocolates you buy, not about how many years you have held her hand. Its about how much love can you love her with and I've got forever to prove that point to her. I can't swim, but I can help her float when shes lost. Can't dance but I can listen to her heart sing. Can't speak up but I can be there for her always when it matters to speak to her heart. I believe that with her, I will only smile and the world although imperfect, seems almost surreally perfect. Now, only question is how to make her believe the same...

PS. Im also adopting a pretty child born on 28 Dec