the day you went away

Lamb: I know you probably won't remember any of this but I will, and I love you.
Lion: Grunts. ~ Sleeps ~
Lamb: (Hums) Tonights the night that I will fall for you. Over again, don't make me change my mind. I want to live to fight another day, I swear its true. Cause a girl like you's impossible to find, impossible to find.
Lion: Baby, I need to sleep...

~ Lion's Den, 2009



Sending you off is never easy and with each time, it does not seem to be getting any easier. Your throats hurt and my hearts in pain. We woke up and I wanted to hold you a little while longer but time would not allow it. Watching you put on your make up seemed surreal today and its like a dance where you slowly prepare to leave and theres nothing I can do but watch. I wanted get up to hug you then but could not find the strength to get up and touch you. I blinked but a few times as I slowly took in your every move in my mind, capturing every second for later when I would miss you. The truth was that I was already starting to miss you already.

Those were the glimpses I could remember as the moments that made up the start of the day you went away. Driving, everything seems so slow motion and you looked so tired next to me. I wanted to tell you that carrying your luggage made me sad and my steps heavy but your eyes were telling me that you needed to know I loved you so I whispered those three same words my heart was whispering. I held your hand close but it does not take the pain away. Your warmth kept me calm as we made our way slowly to the airport. I wanted to say you look beautiful today baby. The words just didin't come out and I ended up staring at you all the way.

Baby, you're going away and right now, you're in a jetplane hundreds of miles away and I'm missing you. When you told me in the lift that you love me, baby, did you know for that moment I loved you more? My heart's been smsing you non stop and my mind has been emailing you every second. So, I'm sending this wanted notice out today that I want you everyday of my life. No. Correction. Actually, I need you for a lifetime. You will be gone for five days and it hurts a bit to know that I can't be there with you, that we won't be visiting the dive expo together to try on our masks and fins and you won't be around to be cute, hot and sexy around me. It hurts a little to know that I will be waiting here like always loving you and can not do more to make you happy right now.

Maybe thats why theres this, this page, this blog. This to remind to me to smile and take care of myself.To tell me that you love me and that I will always love you although lesser than you but at least as constant and everlasting as you. I'm not going to add to the things that make you worry. I'm going to smile for you so you need to smile for me bao bei. If you're out there somewhere in Taipei reading this wanted note, baby, know this, the most important thing, I love you baby.

PS. Bie, I'm with you in your sorethroat, your pain, when you feel alone, always. I'm with you. I miss you.