Sam Baldwin: You ask what was special about my wife? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.
~ Sleepless in Seattle
I believe in destiny. That all things while not defined always changes based on what we choose to do with what has been given to us. I do not believe that fate has already been decided. I believe that each of us has multiple endings or multiple destinies that we determine ourselves. I believe that we decide on which ending that we see at the end. And everyday counts, we choose which fate takes place everyday of our lives. We all have choices and that makes all the difference.
Tonight, I'm sitting here deciding to paint everything happy as I wait for her to finish. I'm not by her side physically to be able to see her right now but I am happy because I know she has never left me. I choose to be happy because I know right now that she's happy. I do not see her with my own eyes but my heart tells me that she is. And I am happy because I believe in that. I did not always tell her or show her this and I regret this. But, I decided that things would have to change and I'm starting with everyday.
I see things about her, little things. And everything I see about her is special and I would very much like to be part of that. I just hope that she does see her happiness in everything in me too. I hope that I don't do things that upset her but that can not happen unless she sees the little things about me too and she sees me for who I am, as someone whose made up of little things that makes her happy. I know at times, she sees all these little things and it irritates her because she sees me but does not accept everything I do or who I am.
I wish that she sees me as someone who can make her happy. I hope that whatever sadness she has, I could make it go away for her everytime. I wish that whatever bothers her, I could carry it for her. I wish my smile and just me being with her can make her see that I have no intention of mocking her, making fun of her, bothering her nor do I want to be a pain. I just want her to be happy. And I want to stand with her. She will not read this for hours but I want her to now that I am always thinking how best to help her. Sometimes maybe I just need to walk away but will she know how I feel or what is it my heart feels when she's hurt?
I see her and I see happiness. She sees me and she sees whatever affects her at times. I am not enough to make her truly happy all the time. If she's happy, she sees me and things as happy but when she's sad, she sees me and things as sad. I hope one day I will have done enough, loved her enough that when she's sad, I will always be strong enough to be able to make her happy by myself. I don't want to be always her number one but I do hope she can be happy when she sees me happy for her at all times. I am not the hero that her heart deserves yet but in all my imperfections, I am believing and I'm holding her hand as we walk each moment. We love each other and we're just learning to live life together one day, one step at a time. I have my mistakes but what we have is time, what we need is to be patient and just learn and trust in love.
PS. Bie, do you hear me? Talking to you. Across the waters, across the deep blue ocean, under the open sky...oh my, baby I'm trying. I'm learning. I'm believing. I love you.
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