~ Little Manhattan
Do you know that breathing is the most easiest job on earth? But it gets difficult whenever she stares at me like this. I always have to remind myself how to breathe. And right now, she's gone again. She left her heart behind this time.
I looked at her in the dark last night. I wanted to kiss her but want is not enough and I kissed her and I loved every moment of it. And when it was over, I wished it could last forever. Just moments before that, I was switching on the lights to wait for her for I knew if my head touched the pillow, I would fall fast asleep and I would not have the chance to see her just a bit more.
I turned on the usual song of "Leaving on a Jetplane" which I always play in mind on the eve before she leaves on her trips. My hand must have slipped because I landed on Lathika's theme. For those that have watched Slumdog Millionaire, you would have remembered this slow theme whenever Lathika appears in Jamal's life. It's hauntingly beautiful and when the music played last night, I saw my Lathika. Like Jamal watching her so beautiful smiling at the train platform, I was transfixed for what seemed like minutes as I saw her.
I saw her turning around again, and I see her smiling as she closes the door of her car. She whispers I love you and I remember again the first time she ever told me she loves me. And this smile appears. I wait patiently for her and I kiss her and every kiss I give and I take, I mean it, and it means everything to me. And everytime she goes, my tear drops still fall. It fell just before I could kiss her last night. And it fell again driving back the long road.
She's flying high up in the skies right now and I miss her. I hope when she comes back, she will discover our love is stronger than it ever was and my hand is waiting for hers to return, right here. I read this quote from Love Manhattan and thought, both of us really do not believe in these big things and showy stuff that does not last. But I believe that love is going that extra mile, loving her more when it hurts like now when her heart is here but she is so far away. Love is finding I'm braver than I thought I was in all our imperfections and when we are weak.
And I miss you baby. I love you. And my volume is this. I miss you so much that I think the entire world should know my pain not because I want the world to know how much I love you but I want the world to know how important you are to me, my lion, my elf, my baby. How much it hurts not to be able to hold hands that bring me warmth, not being able to see myself in your eyes and how much it pains me when I look around and call you name eventhough you are not here to hear it. Because, maybe, just maybe, you hear me. I miss you baby.
PS. Bie, today is a beautiful Sunday. You are beautiful. I miss you.
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