filling in the blanks

He was like an angel, you know? I never knew life could be like that. He was the one thing I followed through in my life, the one thing I didn't give up on. I was good at loving him.

~ The Untamed Heart



It's a Tuesday and I love you. I mean it. I mean it everyday. Tuesdays were created to love you F.Y.Y., my lion, my elf and my all. If there is a blank spot in my life, I believe that you were created to fill it. It seems that I am no longer needed to fill any gaps in yours. In fact, I am the pressure that you do not need and the presence that makes you upset. Because there is too much of me and I'm sad being the face that pressures you and upsets you. I'm sad being the face you don't want to look at.

So here I am going to give you what you want. I will stay away and I will not care about anything you tell me. Because you tell me different things everyday and don't care how I feel when you say you forgot what you tell me yesterday or what we agreed to. I will not wait anymore. I will not fight to find time for us anymore and I will not in your own words "sayang or care" about things around us and in between us so much anymore. And as you said, I hope you are happy. Maybe, just maybe because now you are finally free.

You have your friends, and anything else that keeps you excited and not bored and you have me, this selfish self centered person who needs to see you whenever I can also trying to also fit in. I am here fighting for time with you which it seems upsets you and pressures you because there is too much right now in your life. I don't want to fight for someone who doesn't want me to anymore. And I hope now you are smiling because you finally get what you want and you are now happy. You said I should be happy because I have a girlfriend who doesn't need me so much and I can do what I like. I like to see you smile so I will love you the way you want me to. All I want to do is love you and hope you are happy.

PS. There is no PS. I don't think there is one today.