What would I pay to stay here beside you?
What will I do to see you smiling at me?
~ The Little Mermaid
It's a Friday without you. And it's quiet. Not quiet around me but very much inside me. I miss everything you and your voice inside me that guides me today. But somehow I feel this calm, this sense that you are with me and for that I smile. I smile today for you baby and I hope you're smiling when thinking of me too. My nose is acting up and I think it's because I haven't sniffed your scent today. It's kinda red from me rubbing it constantly and maybe it might make you laugh if you saw it now. And that baby, would be beautiful.
I always write when you're not around. Maybe because I want to talk to you, connect with you and just try to fit in somewhere in your life. I do want to matter in your life because you're such a huge part in mine. Today everything seems to move in a way that doesn't make sense and I'm hoping it ends fast so that I can see you soon. Nothing really interesting to say about how much I think of you other than I think of you every second and I miss you, so am writing you a story if you decide to read this when you're tired or bored.
This is a story about a fox and the moon. There was a wolf that did not have a pack nor did he belong to a clan. This fox was solitary by nature and traveled the land looking for a meaning and a place to belong. The wolf passed every creek and looked at every bush. He saw his image in the waters of the river and he wondered. Why do I have a snout for a nose and yet not belong to the dogs? Dogs were adored by men, fed, well pampered and kept in doors. Why do I walk upright and hunching over like a hyena he asked. Maybe that's why people are suspicious of me he thought. He wondered if maybe he was not so grey like the colour of rain and more gentle like white or fierce as black would perhaps he be more accepted.
So thus he wandered far and wide, eyes wide open, nose always sniffing and paws always wanting to stay where there was warmth. He passed by families of birds and asked if they would take him in. The little chick perched in the nest chirped back, "Go away. You only want to eat me!" The wolf muttered back, "I only want to belong and I can climb and build my own nest in trees!" The birds answered by driving down in doves chasing him away, pecking here and there. Bruised, the wolf came to a family of beavers building a dam in the rivers. Approaching enthusiastically as they chipped away, the wolf said, "Can I help you? My snout is strong and my paws dependable in carrying lumber and wood. I would build a good home." The beavers chided as they replied in unison, "Bah, you can't swim. Your fur smells in the water. Go away. We're busy as can be!"
Bruised in ego and in body, the wolf took his leave. He wandered further into the woods and saw a family of bears. He came by their cave curious, "Bears, hear me. I have fur like you and I hunt like you. Let me join you." The bears stared back before grizzling, "We do not need you, you can not stand upright and eat honey with us and your skin is weak against bees. You do not belong." With that the wolf went further down the trail past the woods into the open clearing and at that moment, the moon shone.
Looking at the moon, the wolf thought, "How beautiful you are. But you are alone. Should I share your sorrow? Maybe I should howl for both of us". And he howled long and sad into the silent night. And to his surprise, he heard a howl also in return. "Might you howl also about us also Moon?" he thought and howled again. This time it was clear that the female howled back. He looked with the help of the moon and he saw another wolf. Gazing intently, he said, "You are like me. But I have never got along with other wolves. Why are you here?" The female wolf looked back intently, "Neither have I. I have been looking for another that will share warmth and meaning. I do not need a hunting partner. I need someone that I can hold onto for life." The wolf smiled and nodded. They walked long into the night, running together for life, never belonging to a place except to each other.
Bie, I hope you like this story I took time to write for you this morning. Like that wolf I was looking but having found you I have you will run with me this life. Dance this dance on this floor that we have. I'm not a good dancer but I'm learning the moves that make us look good. My tempo is off most of the time and I know it takes time to perfect, so give me everyday to hold your hand and I promise to only be better. Because like that song you like, you make it better for me too and today, today is beautiful. I love you.
PS. Bie, been thinking about you all morning and every second in between. I love you and I want to see you soon. I hope our today is beautiful until we meet and you make it perfect.
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