Smiles

Westley: Hear this now; I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love. You think this happens every day?

~ The Princess Bride (1987)



I still get butterflies even though I've seen you a hundred times. I wish I could have always told you that. But everytime I see you now when I open my eyes the first thing in the morning, I do get flutters in my stomach. And this anticipation of things to come. Of how I wonder tomorrow will be. Whether I would still have this privilege of waking up and seeing you right beside me.

I know you feel that most times that it is cold at night and more so when you are unsure about this man next to you. This man has always been sure, always been certain about his feelings for you and sure about you and who you mean to him. I wish that there would not be a need to write these words now. That these words could have been beautiful and of joy of waking up next to the most beautiful woman in the world. They still speak the same but only when you woke them up with sadness and with pain.

I wish it was different or there was a reason for the silence in the blog for 10 months. I wish it was not mistakes, memories made, or how bitter sweet this would taste. I wish that you know that I do believe that I will never find someone like you. I still know that I can bring you all the happiness in the world. To continue to write new chapters of us together that will only make you smile. Saying all this now seems really lame and late. But what I did was lame and late. But I still think I have today. I still think that somehow this me inside me is and has always been there.

You say that you love me more with each day with more sacrifice. With more understanding until the sadness broke you. I believe your every single word. I believe that I only have today. Today to make you smile. To somehow touch your heart. To tell you that there is love here that you will never find anywhere else, that you were right all along. That this man that you chose will be the man that you have dreamed of. That inside all the things that have passed, this love this man bears for you has never died. That the man may have been carried away or whittled with time but he lives and breathes for you.

My actions have died with the passing days these 10 months. Your heart and your soul has been giving and giving. I have been blind to all and think that I have somehow matched your love. I do not understand how or have a logical explanation why. I wish I could think of a clever and witty answer but my heart says this; that I will love you all the days of our lives. My heart tells me that this person you fell in love with, that has been there all along. And here I am. I promised this on my wedding day that I promise myself to you. You think that would mean the worse of me but there is the best of me to come. Trust that the one deep within me, is this person you fell in love with. I write this today, knowing somehow you came and stumbled on this. I write knowing that I have today. Today is beautiful. I love you. Always.