Jacob Jankowski: You're a beautiful woman. You deserve a beautiful life.
~ Water for Elephants (2011)
I write this having a bad headache but I do not regret waking up to kiss you and hugging you to sleep. I must say that it has been really a lot of joy to see our son growing up and kicking and reaching out to us. I feel this small tremble under my hands and just wonder which part of him is responding. Trying to picture his face reacting to us shaking and poking him as he rests. Our son is so active and so strong inside you. It really makes me proud each time I feel our son move and reach out to us.
When I look at you now, I do wonder how foolish I have been. Simply ignoring the most beautiful woman in the world right next to me. That I would rather chase meaningless pursuits makes it seem all the more stupider. When I look at you and feel our son, I feel like the most lucky man on earth and that my life begins now. And that I get it even now, makes me feel good. About myself. And I know that you are everything to me, your happiness means everything to me.
That somehow in the deepest corner of my mind, I do still blame myself for all that has happened but I know that if anyone can change anything it has to be me. It has to be me filling us all with happiness and the energy that comes with it. I want to be this life that surrounds us. I want to be the man that brings us all together. I want to be the center of happiness for all three of us. And I want to take you places you never been before. To this happiness that I am writing for all of us. I love you so much baby. Taking this short time off to write this clears my head before I get back to work. I want to record how much you mean to me. And how much more you will all the days to come. I love you and miss you dearly. Hope to see you again soon. Smiling.
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