waiting for you, waiting for perfection

If I could measure the beauty of her eyes, I was born to look into them and know myself.

~ Shakespeare In Love



Today is a Thursday. It's not just any Thursday because it's the Thursday just before your birthday. I heard someone whisper your name today, but when I turned around to see who it was, I noticed I was alone. That's when I realized it was my heart telling me how much I miss you. I realize that I want to be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you. And it's now only a few hours before the next milestone on probably the most important list of our lives. The weather has smiled these few days and everything looks really good. It's another day to laze around and just take in the moments.

I woke up today to her and really there is so much a heart can take before it melts away. Of course she again termed me and described me as "ka-kacau". But I would really like to be able to pester her and bug her to wake up each morning. I think that is a real privilege. To be able to wake up and see the most important and most beautiful thing in my life is a blessing and a grace that not everyone will ever have. And I think today is perfect. Simply because she smiled and kissed me before she left.

Was thinking of what to do today and about work when I realized this truth. A doctor can save my life on the operating table. A lawyer can defend my life and my honour in a court of law. A soldier can give me a peaceful life by facing the dangers at the battlefield. But only you, only you can give me a MEANINGFUL LIFE. And for that, I am thankful for each passing day. I am lucky that we share the same air to breathe, the same dreams asleep and the same smile when we make each other complete. And I am thankful that she exists to make my world perfect every second she is in it.

Today is beautiful and you're voice is beautiful. I wish I could share more of that beauty and we have an entire weekend for that for which I can't wait to begin and am grateful for. Counting down the seconds bie. It feels so long yet when it comes, I'm sure the moment will be running to get away from us. I want it to last and with you, it will always last. It will last because I believe it bie. And tomorrow is coming. I can't wait. I love you.

PS. Bie, I am behaving and I miss you so much that words fail to describe the feeling of breathing but it doesn't mean anything because you are not here to share my air. I love you. I'm waiting for you baby.

meeting her again...

Daniel (Liam Neeson): You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us.
Sam (Thomas Sangster): [referring to the Titanic film] There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me. [Holds up one finger]
Sam: She's "the one".
Daniel: Fair enough.



Love Actually is a romantic comedy that follows eight couples in a loosely and interrelated tale all set during a frantic month before Christmas in London. Love Actually speaks about love in all aspects and how they encountered, treasured and came to embrace it. It came out in 2003 starring all the big names in British cinema from Hugh Grant, Keira Knightly, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman and the other whos who. Heck, they even had Billy Bob Thorton as the US president. Was actually thinking of the third date we had where we had this impromptu getaway to watch Taken which starred Liam Neeson. Truly griefing to hear that his wife passed away lately and Love Actually was actually all about love which must be sad when you equate his passing of his wife and his excellent take on love in Love Actually.

Its finally Monday and I'm twindling my thumbs after finishing my required monthly reports. Thinking of something beautiful to tell her and of course something beautiful to scribble for her here when she gets back. Truth is, I miss her so so much that at times its painful to just wait and being unable to do anything about the missing her part.

I remember a story that my grandfather told me when he was healthy and before he was paralysed by fear after his operation. He told me of this lady in Kajang which was where my mother's family grew up. She lived in a vast orchard and various branches of her family lived with her on these grounds. She was married into this family where she had to slog away day and night to care for her own family and the rest that stayed with them. Carrying buckets of water for cleaning, cooking, and just taking care of the growing family needs would certainly qualify for tough times. Times were not altogether rough for food was not scare but it took her a lot of patience to make it through the days and be a responsible wife.

My grandfather's eyes would twinkle when he mentioned this lady, my grandmother. For she kept to her duties like any wife would but also because she bore the times with him. Never giving up when he was distracted by gambling and other devices, haunted by his family demands and where she believed when there was no reason to believe. She loved my grandfather and my mother's family very much. My grandfather told me that thats the kind of woman you want to spend forever with. The one who overlooks your weaknesses and trusts in you and your love even when there is nothing left to cling onto and most importantly, loves you with all that she has. My grandfather told me that when you love someone and you found "the one", do not let go or all the riches of the earth will not matter nor will all the time in the world. No dreams will ever sail in the waters of hope without the wind of passion and the steering of someone who will always be there for you. No dreams are worth living without cherishing the one you love. Therefore, I believe that the one you love should always be number one and let her always be number one for as long as you live.

When the person you love is apart and when you're in love, it can really sting and tug at your heart. You feel the pain yet you want the love to stay because you have not truly lived until you encountered true love. She asked me to let it remain, that I would not let this ever die, my heart from the start wanted the same. You do not let go the most precious thing in the world for anything. And she has become my greatest treasure which will last a lifetime. The most beautiful message that I could ever think of or draft as in the past was I love you. I think it would be more beautiful to add a forever to it.

PS. Bie, you're "the one". Let it be forever.